Coming to

There's a birch tree outside in the courtyard. I have spent a lot of time studying it, with various coffee mugs in hand, during different seasons. Right now it has new green leaves on it. It has been very windy today, at intervals, so the branches have been going crazy, shifting from yellow to green and back again.

At some point I thought they shifted from green to silver, but that must be later in the summer, or in the fall. I got the feelings that go with different seasons mixed up. It was something to do with the darker shade of blue the water has today, which doesn't belong to spring. I glanced out and everything was fast-forwarded. A plane flew by overhead and sounded like masking tape being peeled from a roll in a long steady pull. Something suddenly made me nervous. I felt an adrenaline rush for no reason. For a moment I felt like everything had been turned upside down by nothing.

Is it because of all the time I've spent putting things off? It's like I've been asked to hand in a paper I haven't written a word of.

Is it because we're moving? I feel as prepared to move as an 8-year-old about to run away.

Maybe it's just the colt-legged newness of being up and about again after having had a cold/flu and coming to. Oh, THIS is where I was. What was I doing? How do you do that, again?