What is being a mother like?

Astrid holds on tight to my finger while i walk around with her in the snugli, reading to her.

this little person sleeping on my lap right now has changed my life. disoriented, living in moment

she's asleep on my lap and seems like such a självklarhet: an obvious thing to exist. and yet, 4 months ago, she wasn't here. she was rolling and kicking in my belly. and 9 months before that...?

but now she BELONGS with me. with us. so much so that it seems she has been with us always.

it's the beginning of her first spring. i want to write her a postcard every day. for later. for me or for her?

time is different now. it is longer and shorter. longer- the days are long and her patience for just having me walk around holding her looking out windows, or being read to. the length of thhe constant activiies of our days. of the future days...

shorter-little slots of time in which to think, dream, create, or accomplish practical tasks.

voice- is differnt. function of voice to reach her from a distance to calm her when i cant reach to put a hand on her. voice as stretching to reach, reaching.